“Love is “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth” - M. Scott Peck

“In spiritual friendship we are concerned with the other person not because of the ways that person satisfies us, but because we want to see the other person grow and develop in the direction of greater wisdom, greater virtue, greater understanding.” - Bhikkhu Bodhi

When we say wholesome friendship, we mean a friendship based on the specific intention to support each other to cultivate wholesome qualities in ourselves & in our interactions. We believe these qualities are meaningful to our growth as human beings, and lead to a happier life for ourselves and those around us.

Some of these qualities include: lovingkindness, compassion, mindfulness, inclusivity, generosity, joy, wisdom, appreciation, non-harming, honesty, patience, and more!

These qualities are supported by scientific research and wisdom traditions around the world as conducive to greater wellbeing and peace. While they may seem quite simple and “good,” society is often not supporting us to develop these qualities that make us happy - so we support each other instead! If you are interested in exploring & cultivating these qualities in community, you’ve come to the right place.

“I want to emphasize how desperately this world is in need of lovely friends. Wise people. Spiritual friends. Kalyna Mitta. I think it’s part of our job to really become that for our friends. For the world. Not just waiting for the good friends to come and save us, but to also be part of that for others.” - Carol Wilson, Spiritual Friendships

Additional Resources

Here’s some more resources you may find interesting in your own exploration. Different people may use different names to describe what we call wholesome friendships. Below, terms like “radical”, “admirable” or “spiritual” friendship are used. We encourage you to take what serves you, and leave what doesn’t.

• Theravadin monk and scholar Bhikkhu Bodhi’s full article cited above on “spiritual” friendship”
• Book recommendation: Radical Friendship by Kate Johnson
• Buddhist texts on the importance of spiritual friendship (various suttas)
• The Harvard Study of Adult Development, one of the world’s longest studies of adult life, followed the same people over 80 years of their life, and found the #1 indicator of health & happiness is being satisfied with ones relationships (TED TALK).
• Generosity - Nikki Mirghafori (PhD, AI scientist, and Buddhist Teacher) shares on her website the scientific links between generosity and happiness, physical and emotional health, and reduction in anxiety. (Not bad!)
• Joy - HH the Dalai Lama and the late Archbishop Desmond Tutu + several scientists talk about the power of Joy in their Book of Joy, and film Mission Joy. Insight Meditation teacher, James Baraz, draws on ancient wisdom and the newest science in his yearly course on Awakening Joy, based on his book Awakening Joy
• Sharon Salzberg’s vast library of books she has written explore qualities like Lovingkindess, Compassion, Mindfulness, and more, and how Buddhist Wisdom and the latest science converge in supporting that these qualities bring us happiness.